A parents’ guide to setting healthy boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries at home revolves around understanding and enforcing clear limits on how you want to be treated by others and how you will treat others. Young and growing children are still undergoing the process of mental, emotional, and social development and are easily influenced by behaviors they see and are allowed to do. When boundaries are not set and communicated correctly, children will fail to recognize and form necessary guidelines to protect the well-being and safety of themselves and others.
How exactly do boundaries protect children and those around them? “Boundaries are essentially about understanding and respecting our own needs, and being respectful and understanding of the needs of others,” Stephanie Dowd, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, tells the Child Mind Institute. Here are a few examples of how this form of understanding helps children manage their mental well-being by forming positive relationships with others:
Keeps children physically and emotionally safe by showing them the difference between acceptable and risky behavior.
Teaches children empathy toward themselves and others through understanding when and how to express their emotions.
Instills self-awareness and a sense of responsibility when limits encourage independent learning and decision-making.
Encourages honest and constructive communication that expresses emotions healthily, flags inappropriate behavior, and resolves conflict peacefully.
Dowd adds that parents must help children develop empathy and self-awareness for healthy boundaries to work. When children know how to identify and manage their needs and emotions, it makes it easier to understand the feelings of others — and ultimately what it means when someone says ‘no.’ In this blog, we explore what it means for parents to set healthy boundaries and how creative activities can help families understand the power of saying no.
Good boundaries, bad boundaries
Before setting boundaries, parents and caretakers need a firm understanding of the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries. This is a delicate balance that many parents struggle with at home.
“We worry that if we’re too harsh, we’re going down the slippery slope of authoritarian parenting (if authoritarian parenting had a tagline, it would be “my way or the highway”),” writes Sarah R. Moore, author of ‘Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior,’ for Motherly. “On the flip side, if we’re too permissive in our parenting boundaries, we know that doesn’t bode well for our children, either.”
Let’s explore a few examples.
Saying ‘no’ is powerful when it comes to scenarios like:
Setting limits for screen time and replacing digital playtime with activities like physical activities, reading, art, and more.
Establishing regular mealtimes and table etiquette
Teaching children about personal space and what it means to explicitly provide consent to those spaces.
Creating a designated schedule for schoolwork and academic priorities.
Showing children the meaning of privacy and modesty in both real-world and digital environments.
Teaching children how to express emotions appropriately, such as using effective communication instead of physical aggression.
Failure to say ‘no’ can harm parents and children in the following ways:
Creates inconsistency in expectations that gives both children and parents the freedom to act out in an emotional and erratic behavior when they feel like it.
Causes neglect of rules for physical and emotional safety, such as when not to partake in dangerous outdoor activities or abusive actions.
Instills overindulgence, narcissism, and entitlement because children feel they can get whatever they want from whoever they want.
Causes emotional instability, anxiety, and insecurity when children fail to get what they want.
It creates overdependency and a lack of social awareness that limits children from making their own decisions and doing necessary things alone.
How art helps families practice healthy boundaries
Art helps parents and caretakers establish and communicate the importance of healthy boundaries because it encourages self-expression, collaboration, and reflection.
Self-expression
Art is a creative outlet that allows children to share complicated feelings outwardly without fear of judgment or misunderstanding. Expressing these emotions in a conversation right away can be scary. Instead of forcing children to talk things out, which can make them feel incredibly vulnerable and uncomfortable, parents can create a safe space for them to create art that represents their joy, comfort, worries, anger, and fears. This teaches them how to manage their emotions and communicate with others about their needs.
🎨 Try out this activity: Feelings Thermometer
Have children make their own "thermometer" labeled with a range of emotions — from calm to intense. They can create a slidable marker to show how they're feeling at a particular moment. This activity aids in recognizing various emotions and regulating emotional intensity. Check out more activities like this in this blog: Art Activities to Nurture Children's Emotional Intelligence
Reflection
Art isn’t just a tool for expressing emotions; it’s also a tool to help children hone in on self-reflection and make sense of what they’re feeling. Inspiration for art doesn’t come immediately — it can take some time for children to contemplate a question or look around their environment to find things they can relate to or appreciate. Have them create art based on a question related to boundaries so they can carve out a quiet time to think about their needs and what it feels like when those needs are respected or disrespected.
🎨 Try out this activity: Journaling
Provide a blank notebook and art supplies that children can use to write down their thoughts and feelings as well as decorate their pages to express what is the most visually appealing and relevant to them at that point in time. During times of change and overwhelming stress, journaling helps children take a step back and prioritize what they’re feeling over the chaos of any situation. We’ve shared a few journal prompts below from our blog, Journal Prompts for Self-Discovery.
Source: My Good Brain
Collaboration
Creating art together as a family shows children that beautiful things happen when people work together and respect each other’s space, creativity, and emotions. For example, creating an art piece with shared materials teaches children to be mindful of what others need and what limits need to be put in place for everyone to be able to enjoy an activity together. This effectively adds context to conversations about personal space, empathy, and social awareness.
🎨Try out this art activity: DIY comic strips
With a paper, pencil, ruler, eraser, and coloring supplies, families can work together to create a shared comic strip that illustrates what healthy boundaries mean for every person involved. Before starting the comic, discuss a scenario you want to draw out. This can be based on a real situation or a fun and imaginary world. On a shared piece of paper, take turns drawing out the comic. Each person has to be mindful of what the person before them drew out to ensure that the comic makes sense and looks good. Check out our blog for comic book templates that you can use!
Simplify boundary-setting by making it fun
Teaching children about boundaries can be a heavy and complex subject. Art is important in helping families break this topic down into interactive activities replicating real-world scenarios and conversations. Don’t hesitate to use creative art and play to help children understand interpersonal relationships and communication. With the activities shared on our blog, we hope you can find engaging ways to explore the topic of boundaries and empathy.
