What is Bullying?
What is bullying?
It might seem like a simple question at first but really, there is quite a bit of nuance when trying to distinguish between getting bullied and just playing around with others.
An example: Say a couple of boys are playing out in a schoolyard. One starts teasing the other about his glasses or his braces. Though without the intention of hurting his feelings, the boy makes him cry because he feels made fun of.
Some people may want to already assume the relationship between these two children: that they are friends poking fun at each other and it got a bit out of hand, that the boy with the glasses is being bullied, that the boys don’t know each other and the boy with the glasses took him too seriously when he shouldn’t have.
In reality, we need more information about the relationship between these two children and the interaction that took place.
Bullying versus Teasing
Bullying typically requires three points. That the interaction is aggressive (even mildly), an imbalance of power is at play, and the behavior is typically done repeatedly.
Aggression
More obvious aggression such as making threats or displaying vulgar gestures
May be subtle such as a shift in tone, sarcasm, or implying something poor about someone
Imbalance of power
A physical imbalance where one person is larger or more intimidating than the other
A social imbalance where one is more popular/known than the other
Having things to blackmail another person
Repeated behavior
Could be over several days, weeks, or months
The frequency of the behavior can be as frequent as every day or as spaced out as several weeks or more
Overall it is done by intentionally hurting someone with a certain degree of power and aggression. A few ways someone might achieve this include:
Verbal
Teasing
Taunting
Threats
General inappropriateness
Social
Telling others not to be friends with someone
Spreading rumors
Embarrassing someone in front of others
Physical
Hitting
Pushing
Stealing
As you can see, teasing is on the list of behaviors that might be considered bullying. So while sometimes teasing might be bullying, it depends on the context of the situation.
Teasing may be defined as laughing at and criticizing something in a way that is either friendly and playful or cruel and unkind.
So what are the differences?
Bullying may be verbal, physical, or social whereas teasing is usually only done verbally (with the exception of teasing someone in front of a group of friends which may constitute as both social and verbal).
Bullying is also always done aggressively whereas teasing can be either a bullying tactic or a playful one.
Asking a bully to stop doesn’t always work but if you ask someone teasing you to stop and they do that probably means that they never meant to inflict serious harm on anyone.
Typically someone who means to tease in a playful way will follow up with an apology if they see they’ve inflicted harm. Bullies never apologize sincerely.
Warning signs of bullying
It’s important to recognize if your child is getting bullied or even if your child is bullying others. As a parent, it can be difficult to understand someone especially if you’re not with them 100% of the time. Here are a few things to look out for when talking to your child or when observing them, and keep in mind that not every child exhibits warning signs the same way so be on the lookout for anything related to bullying.
Kids getting bullied may exhibit signs of:
Unexplainable injuries
Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
Frequent headaches, stomach aches, feeling sick, or faking illness
Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.
Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school
Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
Feelings of helplessness or decreased self-esteem
Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide
And it’s important to recognize that your child is still capable of hurting others as well. A few signs that your child might be the perpetrator are as follows:
Get into physical or verbal fights
Have friends who bully others
Are increasingly aggressive
Have unexplained extra money or new belongings
Blame others for their problems
Don’t accept responsibility for their actions
Are competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity
Closing remarks
Aggression, an imbalance of power, and repeat offenses are standards used to understand whether or not someone is getting bullied. Bullying may be subtle or obvious or even occur online but the main thing that separates bullying from everything else is the intention to make someone miserable. If all else fails, check for intention.
Sometimes kids won’t talk right away about the situations going on in their life, sometimes they need time or maybe a certain experience to open up. Whatever it is, let them know that you are there for them. Let them know you care.
“You never look good trying to make someone else look bad” - Unknown
