With Halloween right around the corner, the question, “What are you going to be for Halloween”, becomes increasingly paramount. Something scary, a superhero, or a pun, perhaps? Halloween is typically designated as the day dress up as something we’re not, but wearing a “mask” is actually something we do on a much more regular basis.

The people around us have a huge impact on who we are. We often change our behavior depending on the people around us. For example, you may act differently in front of your friends than you do with your teacher. You may change your vocabulary, how outgoing and expressive you are, what you say (and do not say), and more. Most of the time, we unconsciously look to social cues to figure out which version of ourselves to put forward, and we do this for several reasons:

• to fit in with a group

• to be perceived as “normal” by a group or someone of authority

• to figure out what to do in a new environment

• to comply with the group’s opinion

• to be more like someone we look up to

People may conform to another identity in some situations, but not others. Some people also have a higher tendency to conform than others. The degree to which we form also depends on a variety of factors:

• the difficulty of the task: not knowing what to do in a difficult task makes people more likely to conform due to self-doubt

• age: tweens and teens are more susceptible to conformity than adults

• group size: people are more likely to conform in groups of 3-5 people

• situation: people are more likely to conform in ambiguous situation

Conformity is not necessarily bad; in fact, there are many benefits of conformity at both a societal and individual level. Learning how to adapt to different groups and personalities is crucial to connecting with other people. Belonging to a group can improve one’s sense of identity, self-esteem, and security. It also provides opportunities to practice social skills.

While there are certain pros to conformity, the saying, “everything in moderation” applies to conformity, especially in youth.

• Excessive conformity can lead to lower self-esteem and increased levels of anxiety over the fear of not fitting in

• Conformity can also lead to negative peer influences and peer pressure

• Excessive conformity is also associated with worse mental health in some studies, specifically related to fears of social rejection and bullying

It’s important to step back from our busy lives every once in a while to reflect on our self-worth and the “masks” we put on. Here are some exercises you can try out (adapted from Adam Sicinski):

1. Increase your self-understanding

   Ask yourself, "What if everything I have was suddenly taken away from me? What if all I had left was just myself? How would that make me feel? What would I actually have that would be of value?”. Think about your answers to these questions and see if you can come to this conclusion: “No matter what happens externally and no matter what’s taken away from me, I’m not affected internally”.

   Ask yourself,

   • Who am I?

   • How am I?

   • How do others see me and speak about me?

   • What brings me passion and joy?

   • Where do I struggle most?

   • What am I really good at?

2. Boost your self-acceptance and self-love w/ the following affirmations

   • I accept the good, the bad, and the ugly

   • I fully accept every part of myself including my flaws, fears, behaviors, and qualities I might not be too proud of

   • This is how I am, and I am at peace with that

   • I feel valued and special

   • I love myself wholeheartedly

   • I am a worthy and capable person

3. Recognize your self-worth w/ the following reminders

   • You no longer need to please other people

   • No matter what people do or say, and regardless of what happens outside of you, you alone control how you feel about yourself

   • You have the power to respond to events and circumstances based on your internal sources, resources, and resourcefulness, which are the reflection of your true value;

   • Your value comes from inside, from an internal measure that you’ve set for yourself

4. Take responsibility for yourself

   • Take full responsibility for everything that happens to you without giving your personal power and your agency away

   • Acknowledge that you have the personal power to change and influence the events and circumstances of your life.

Wearing a “mask” doesn’t have to be literal. Every day, we put on different variations of ourselves to adapt to the people and environment around us. “Codeswitching” between our different personas isn’t necessarily bad, and in fact is fundamental to getting along with other people. However, it’s easy to get lost in our array of “masks” and lose sight of our true selves. After Halloween, you don’t need to retire your “masks” entirely, but be sure to reflect on the different personas you project, and take time to remember and cherish your true self.