Self-forgiveness
We all do things that we later regret, and we all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. But sometimes, forgiving yourself can be harder than forgiving others.
Self-forgiveness challenges you to understand your faults and move beyond them. It’s not about dismissing or justifying actions but learning and growing through self-compassion.
What is self-forgiveness?
Self-forgiveness is the deliberate action to put behind us certain wrongdoings and let go of the pain linked to them. It is neither about self-indulgence nor about turning a blind eye to past mistakes. Instead, it requires courage to acknowledge these errors, take responsibility, and learn from them.
Why do we learn to forgive ourselves?
Forgive oneself can reduce the risk of anxiety and depression, boost self- esteem, and cultivate a sense of hopefulness. On the other hand, if you don’t forgive yourself, you can be left with difficult feelings. Such feelings include guilt, shame, rumination and self-blame. Further, the lack of self-forgiveness may compromise our ability to be empathetic and compassionate towards others.
How to forgive yourself?
Practicing how to forgive yourself is an approach that can encourage your mind and body to calm themselves when facing unwanted emotions. When you don’t forgive yourself, it can be easy to fall into a mental trap of shame, anger, and low self-esteem. Instead of beating yourself up about the situation, you can be proactive in your attempts to let go and move on.
Below are a few tips that might help you get started.
1/ Understand Your Emotions
Recognizing what you’re feeling is super important for learning to forgive yourself. Studies show that naming your emotions can help make them feel less overwhelming, which is especially useful when dealing with guilt and shame.
2/ Take Responsibility for Your Actions
Forgiving yourself isn’t just about moving on; it’s about accepting what happened and being kind to yourself. Facing your actions is the first—and often the hardest—step to self-forgiveness.
If you’ve been making excuses or trying to justify what you did, it’s time to confront the reality of the situation. By acknowledging your role in what happened, you can avoid getting stuck in feelings of regret and guilt.
3/ Treat yourself with Kindness and Compassion
Forgiving yourself means facing what you did and feeling sorry for it, but it’s important to do this with self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would show a friend. Instead of being overly critical, acknowledge your mistake while also recognizing that you want to do better in the future.
4/ Express Remorse for Your Mistakes
When you take responsibility, you might feel guilt or shame, which is totally normal. Feeling guilty can actually help push you to change for the better. Guilt means you’re a good person who made a mistake, while shame can make you feel like a bad person. Remember, feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re worthless or a bad person.
5/ Make Amends and Apologize
Making amends is an important part of forgiveness, even when the person you are forgiving is yourself. Just as you might not forgive someone else until they've made it up to you in some way, forgiving yourself is more likely to stick when you feel like you've earned it.
One way to move past your guilt is to take action to rectify your mistakes. Apologize if it is called for and look for ways that you can make it up to whomever you have hurt. It may seem as if this portion of the process benefits only the person you've harmed, but there's something in it for you as well. Fixing your mistake means you'll never have to wonder if you could have done more.
6/ Learn from the Experience
Everyone makes mistakes and has things they feel sorry or regretful about. It’s easy to get stuck in negative thoughts, self-hatred, or pity, but that can really hurt your self-esteem and motivation.
Forgiving yourself often means finding a way to learn from what happened and grow as a person. To do this, think about why you acted the way you did and why you feel guilty. What can you do to avoid making the same mistakes in the future? Sure, you messed up, but this is a chance to learn and make better choices going forward.
Forgiving yourself is essential for personal growth. Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s how you handle them that counts. Be kind to yourself, learn from what happened, and take responsibility for your actions. Use feelings of guilt to motivate positive change and don’t hesitate to make amends if needed. By treating yourself with compassion and focusing on growth, you’ll move forward stronger and more resilient. Every experience is a chance to learn—embrace it!
