Compassion During the Holidays

For some, the holidays are a time to spent with family and friends – often thought of as the most wonderful time of the year. For others, the holidays can bring up feelings of sadness, isolation, grief, and more. Loss of a loved one, those experiencing homelessness, stress around familial expectations or strained relationships, the presence of certain foods or alcohol – these experiences can be especially activating around the holidays as they may serve as a reminder of something missing or yearned for.

Understanding the ways in which the holidays are experiences differently from person to person includes creating space to show compassion – for oneself and for others.

Compassion is defined by the American Psychological Association (APA) as a strong feeling of sympathy with another person’s feelings of sorrow or distress, usually involving a desire to help of comfort that person.” In other words, it is our ability to recognize the suffering of others and take action to help. While compassion is an important tool for relationship and community building, it also plays a vital role in how we care for ourselves. If you missed our blog post on compassion, you can read all about it here.

This is especially true around the holidays.

Let’s go over two definitions that may be useful.

Self-awareness is a person’s ability to understand one's own emotions, thoughts, and values and how they influence behavior across contexts. This includes capacities to recognize one's strengths and limitations with a well-grounded sense of confidence and purpose (CASEL).

In other words, it’s how we understand and reflect on the needs of ourselves.

Social awareness is a person’s ability to understand the perspectives of and empathize with others, including those from diverse backgrounds, cultures, and contexts. This includes the capacities to feel compassion for others, understand broader historical and social norms for behavior in different settings (CASEL).

In other words, it’s how we understand and reflect on the needs of others.

The practice of both self and social awareness helps us to extend compassion and empathy.

When extending compassion towards oneself and others during the holidays, reflect on the question: What feels good? What feels misunderstood?

• What feels good?

  • What are the things that bring comfort and joy?

  • How might these differ from those around me (e.g., friends, family, colleagues, community, etc.)

  • How can I surround myself with the things that feel good (e.g., what is in my control, what action can I take/how can I communicate)

• What feels misunderstood?

  • What are the things that activate big emotions (e.g., things that might bring up feelings of sadness, grief, etc.)?

  • How might these differ from those around me (e.g., friends, family, colleagues, community, etc.)

  • How can I detach myself from the things that feel misunderstood (e.g., what is in my control vs outside, what action can I take/how can I communicate my needs)?

Compassion around the holidays, simply put, is respecting the individual choices we, and others, make. This includes the ways in  which we listen and seek to understand other perspectives, honor boundaries, and seek to create a space where everyone feels safe and supported.