How we feel about ourselves plays a significant role in our mental health and well-being. When we hold a positive image of ourselves, we place a stronger value on our skills, strengths, and perspectives. We are more likely to speak up, challenge ourselves to learn something new, or try new things. When it’s negative, we devalue the many things that make us who we are and are deserving of being celebrated. This image is known as self-esteem.

What is self-esteem?

The American Psychological Association defines self-esteem as “the degree to which the qualities and characteristics contained in one’s self-concept (awareness of who we are) are perceived to be positive” (APA, n.d.). In other words, self-esteem is a person’s overall attitude towards oneself. It is sometimes thought of to be a measure of how much a person values, approves of, appreciates, or likes themselves (Adler & Stewart, 2004).

American psychologist and founder of the person-centered or humanistic approach in psychology, Carl Rogers, posits that self-esteem is a component of our overall self-concept (McLeod, 2008) and is made up of the ways in which we understand and process the many elements of our identities. It includes things such as:

• Self-image (how we see ourselves; can be a true or false image)

• Self-confidence (the trust we put into ourselves)

• Self-efficacy (our belief in our ability to succeed)

• Self-compassion (how we relate to ourselves as opposed to how we judge ourselves)

• …and more.

Self-esteem is reflective of many elements that are each influenced by various biological and environmental factors such as life experiences, age, health, and relationships.

There are three main types of self-esteem that are important to know:  

• Low self-esteem: Considers oneself to be below average or less than. Often affiliated with a person not believing in themselves and their abilities, lacking in trust and motivation, and can lead to poor relationships, substance misuse and other types of mental health conditions including depression and anxiety. *Low self-esteem is a thinking disorder that allows a negative view to permeate thought and leads to self-defeating behaviors (Neuman, 2014).  

• Healthy (high) self-esteem: Considers oneself to be loved and accepted. Often affiliated with a person believing in themselves and their abilities, equipped to respond to challenges and establish healthy boundaries, motivation to reach goals, and the ability to maintain healthy relationships with ourselves and others.

• Inflated (excessive) self-esteem: Considers oneself to be better than or above others. Often affiliated with a person who underestimates the abilities and value of others, lacking in active and attentive listening skills, holds a fear of rejection and failure, and struggles to maintain healthy relationships. *This type of self-esteem is often used as a way of camouflaging insecurity.

Throughout our lives our experiences help us to shape a new understanding of ourselves and the world around us and can shift or evolve over time. This is also the same for self-esteem. It isn’t fixed, which means we can take actions to change and improve it.

Why is it important?

As shared above, self-esteem plays a significant role in overall mental health and well-being. It impacts our decision-making processes and influences how we show up for ourselves (e.g., honoring our needs, boundaries, and desires) and interact with others. When we look at psychologist Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we see that in order for esteem needs to be met, other basic and psychological needs including security, safety, and belongingness must first be met. From there, we begin working towards self-actualization and self-fulfillment through growth, exploration, and achievement of our greatest potential.  

• Low self-esteem is associated with an increase in school dropout rates, low academic achievement, increased risk behaviors (e.g., substance misuse, unprotected sexual activity, etc.), and increased rates of suicide (Misetich & Delis-Abrams, 2003).

• Seven in ten girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school, and relationships with friends and family members (Dove Self-Esteem Fund, 2008).

• While young girls are often the focus when it comes to the discussion of self-esteem, boys face these challenges too. Boys’ self-esteem is also at risk because of gender stereotypes, which leave them feeling inadequate when they believe they don’t meet expectations and give them few outlets to express their feelings (Child Mind Institute, n.d.).

Without healthy self-esteem, we can’t feel and be our best. We’re left feeling unlovable, worthless, and more. Especially for adolescents and teens, these feelings can halt social-emotional development and lead to risky behaviors and further mental health challenges.

How can you support healthy self-esteem?

Supporting the development and maintenance of healthy self-esteem in youth can look a variety of ways, but it begins with ensuring we take steps to first care for our own. We all know the saying - you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Here are ten ways to foster healthy self-esteem for all ages. Use these to reflect on your own self-esteem and when supporting others in doing the same.

Adults (whether parents, teachers, caregivers, etc.) can support teens in taking the actions outlined in the graphic above by:

• Creating space for vulnerability and transparency - free of judgment. Teens are navigating the menu of challenges that come with adolescence (e.g., biological changes in hormones, navigating the dynamics of relationships and friendships, discovering different dimensions of their identity, etc.). Ensuring that they have a safe space to talk through experiences and associated feelings equips them with the skills needed to process emotions and speak up for what they need for themselves or in support of others.

• Modeling prosocial skills and behaviors. Active listening skills are the foundation for establishing healthy relationships and communication. Model confidence, advocacy for self and others (through speaking up, asking for help, etc.), and self-reflection and open up a dialogue with teens about what they observe and how they might reflect on those behaviors for themselves.

• Focusing on effort over outcome. Emphasizing the process of working towards a goal or achievement helps teens recognize the importance of celebrating the small wins along the way. It also helps them to recognize that success does not come without failure. Understanding how to view failure as a lesson learned and an opportunity for growth is key to establishing and maintaining healthy self-esteem.

And most importantly - teach children and teens the importance of celebrating the many things that make them - them. They are more than worthy and more than enough for exactly who they are. Guide them in seeing that worth for themselves and support them in finding it when they get lost.

Find more resources to support teen self-esteem below.

• Dove Self-Esteem Project (Dove)

• Confidence & Self-Esteem (Child Mind Institute)

• Self-Esteem Tools & Activities (Positive Psychology)