For many kids, the end-of-year holiday season can feel like one long stretch of birthdays, play-time, and rule-free fun all rolled into one. Decorations get put up, shops go on sale, holiday music starts to play, and for some families, the month of December becomes a hectic rush of cleaning, cooking, hosting, and spending time with as many loved ones as possible.

Children sit at the center of this holiday cheer, with all kinds of parties, markets, and events catered toward making children feel the holiday magic — which often involves the idea of wishing or desiring something they may not already have. 

There’s nothing wrong with giving Santa a wish or two, but if you celebrate Christmas, you know that presents under a tree are not what it’s all about. Although gift-giving is a great way to make children feel loved, rewarded, and appreciated after a long year, it’s incredibly important that we teach them the significance of holidays beyond the notion of wanting or receiving something from others. 

Let’s explore a few ways parents and caretakers can build a holiday culture that focuses on gratitude and compassion — without taking away the fun and magic of the season, of course!

Why does gratitude and compassion matter during the holiday season? 

💛 When teaching children about the meaning of the holidays, ask them this question: What makes this holiday season special for you?

The holiday season means something different for everybody. But if the first thing that comes to mind for your children are “presents” or “toys,” then that signals a need to reframe the conversation and encourage them to think critically about the world around them. 

You can lean on two values to encourage this discussion: gratitude and compassion. 

Now that you know what the holidays mean for your children, it’s time to flip that question on its head.

💛 Ask them: What can we do to help make the holidays feel special for others?

This simple question gives children a clear benchmark they can use to relate with others through their understanding of the holiday season. 

For example, if  “presents,” “hot chocolate,” and “more TV time” make Christmas extra special, you can slowly build a conversation about what the holidays would look like for those who don’t have those luxuries. Not only does this encourage children to be appreciative and grateful for the things they already have, but it also teaches them to respond to the emotions of others during this time of year. 

Gratitude and compassion are two simple values that you can use to kickstart deeper discussions on family values and traditions.

5 ways to Teach Children Gratitude and compassion this holiday season

🤝 Lead by example

Children can better understand the spirit of gratitude and giving by modeling your behavior and relating specific actions with your teachings. Otherwise, it can be pretty difficult to explain concepts as large as gratitude and compassion in an age-appropriate way.

Gift-giving is undoubtedly a valued tradition in many households, but that doesn’t mean that your focus as a family should revolve around shopping, wish lists, collecting packages from the mailman, and spending on more luxurious items. You can work a few of these simple actions into your daily routine during the holiday season to show children what it means to celebrate family and share joy during the holidays: 

• Express gratitude regularly for everyday things, like your meal, a safe trip home, and being able to spend time with each other

• Keep a holiday gratitude journal that family members can write in every day

• Share personal stories of how you or those around you showed gratitude during the day

• Teach children to write thank you notes for the presents they receive

• Talk about current events to highlight the good things people are doing in the community and the struggles that people are going through during this time

👋 Build a holiday culture that prioritizes others

The holiday season is about more than just yourself and your family members. It should be a time for us to come together as a collective and support each other, spread positivity, and help individuals who may feel lonely, anxious, and upset during this time of year. Show children that the holiday season is more than good food, gifts, and time off school or work. Instead, it’s about looking outward and being perceptive of how others might be feeling as you experience even the simplest of luxuries. 

For example, you can kickstart holiday prep by having children create Christmas cards for their teachers and classmates to thank them for their hard work and contributions over the past year. As you plan your holiday parties and festivities, involve children in the process of inviting others to these events. You can use this opportunity to explain to them why it’s important to extend this welcome to people who mean a lot to you and what it means to create an environment that’s safe and comfortable as soon as people come into your household, especially if they’re going through difficulties at this time. 

🎁 Setting realistic expectations around gift-giving

We don’t have to sacrifice gift-giving to celebrate the holidays with gratitude and compassion. There’s nothing wrong with wanting something special at this time of the year, and there’s nothing wrong with parents giving in to these desires on special occasions like this. However, it’s extremely important that we set boundaries when giving and receiving gifts. Parents can find creative ways to clearly communicate what a good gift means.

For example, family members can give each other hand-made presents that are especially meaningful because of the time and intention that went into them. This shows children that there is more than one kind of gift — and it doesn’t always have to be purchased in a store or delivered in a big fancy box. 

Teaching children how to be mindful of others' situations goes hand-in-hand with gift-giving. Educate them about the diversity in our collective community, where every family has their limits and traditions during the holidays. Parents must help children recognize their privilege and show respect to others by being modest, humble, and perceptive when communicating with peers about gifts. 

🏘️ Participate in community service 

There’s no better way to teach children about community and the importance of giving this holiday season than giving back to the community. Remind children that the holidays are an important time for everyone, which means we should be able to show up for each other and create a joyful environment for those who don’t already have them. You can go back to the question we discussed at the start of this article: What can we do to help make the holidays feel special for others? 

Community service is a great way to help children be actively involved in helping others, familiarizing themselves with the community, and getting hands-on experience showing compassion and gratitude. Here are a few examples of holiday volunteering that you can look out for in your town or neighborhood: 

• Donating unused toys and goods to a toy drive or gift-wrapping station

• Organizing or participating in a holiday food drive 

• Singing carols at retirement homes, hospitals, and shelters

• Building holiday care packages for the homeless

• Volunteering at a soup kitchen

• Creating hand-made gifts for sick and hospitalized children

💬 Creating a space for open communication

The holidays are a significant time for children, with many counting down the days to these special traditions and festivities. It’s not going to be easy to cut through this excitement and educate children about these big topics and complex feelings. But that doesn’t mean you should give up when children don’t show interest or react negatively. 

These tips are not something you can enforce overnight, which is why it’s so important to create an environment at home where children can express their feelings during this time.

So many things can feel challenging at this time of the year — whether it’s dissatisfaction with new habits and routines, disappointment about gifts, anxiety about discussing the holidays with more privileged peers, or fear of having to interact with so many people. It’s critical that all adults in your household let children know that it’s OK to share their honest feelings, even if it’s negative. 

Perfectionism is not what you need during the holidays. In fact, it’s quite the contrary. 

Gratitude and compassion are beautiful but difficult. It’s not always going to be pretty, but the trust and safety that emerges from these values are far more permanent than any perfect dinner setup or Christmas photo. 

Have a very happy holidays, and don’t forget to take care of your space and your mental well-being!